Choose life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family. Choose a fucking...– Trainspotting (via mindisthemagic)
Sometimes I don't understand my friendship
Me: Look I got a new book it's so great and interesting!
Friend: Who's that scary man why are you reading a book about that creeper
Me: No it's Keith Richards!
Friend: Scary man
Her: I only know who Paul McCartney is cause isn't he like Jesse McCartney's dad or grandpa or something?
Her: Led Zeppelin isn't he some old dead guy?
Her: Who's Bob Dylan?
Her: That guy has girl hair he needs to cut his hair and put a shirt on ew and get new pants
Her: Who's he? (it was Janis Joplin -.-)
Her: So there's Book, Leaf, Pajamas, Bon Bon, Clap Clap and Scary man
Me: So who's this (a photo of George Harrison)
Her: Jimi.... Hendrix?
Don’t take a creative writing class, just read “Emma” over and over again.– Lecturer on the fine craftwomanship of Austen (via hermionejg)
Could you get me an ash tray? “I didn’t know you smoked. “I don’t. I’ve...– Sylvia (via the-pistol)
I want to express my being as fully as I can because I somewhere picked up the...– Sylvia Plath (via lastlifeinuniverse)
Woman: Can I have birth control?
Woman: I got pregnant because I didn't have birth control and I don't want the fetus. Can I have an abortion?
Woman: I gave birth to my child but since I wasn't expecting it, I can't afford daycare. Can I have help paying for it?
Woman: Well, why can't I have birth control?
Government: Because. Sex isn't for recreation. It's for procreation.
Woman: But it can help regulate my period and benefit me in other ways.
Government: Too bad.
Man: For no reason other than for recreational sex, may I have birth control?
Government: Do you have a penis?
Man: YES, YES I DO!!
Government: WELL HOWDY, VALID CITIZEN. You can buy condoms by the dozens. Here, here's a pack of special condom for "His Pleasure." Oooh, these come in different colours and flavours. Here, try these. They have ribs on them. And this one glows in the dark!! LOL OMG DICK LIGHTSABER!!
Government: But seriously, you're a man. You can do what ever you want.
Government: Shut up, you sinning, freeloading hussy.